A lot of people talk about how they have it all together, how they don’t need to change anything about themselves or grow up. Me, I am the exact opposite! I mess up a lot, I overreact, I have a terrible temper, my emotions get the better of me, my logic gets the better of me and I’m too cold, I am nowhere near perfect, and I absolutely appreciate that about myself. Not the imperfection, but the fact that even though it hurts and burns to admit my faults, or take criticism, I CAN DO IT! Today I had a great opportunity to work on my attitude, my inability to let things go when people piss me off, allowing other people to determine my mood, overthinking and stressing myself out, and responding negatively/arguing/getting disrespectful to someone who upsets me. These ALL came into question today after I received an unnecessary, petty, and childish text. I immediately got pissed off. No question about it. All of the things this person had been doing lately that had been upsetting me all started to come to mind, and I immediately wanted to throw it in his face. BUT, I knew once I calmed down, I would be mad, disappointed and even ashamed of myself for blowing up like that, so instead I just let him know I didn’t need the added bs. He, of course, responded the way I knew he would, so I kept it moving and discontinued the conversation after making it clear he was wrong. Where I messed up, getting mad in the first place. I should have asked if he was serious or if he was joking. Albeit it’s not a funny joke first thing in the am when you’re stressed, that still didn’t give me the right to just assume he was being a butthole. I also shouldn’t have CARRIED that anger with me. I immediately should have checked my attitude at the door when I left for work. Thankfully, I have at least learned to ask for help! I hit up my support system and they got RIGHT to praying for me, telling me STRONGLY to take command of my day, reminding me of good qualities I have that I need to use to correct my behavior, and just being SUPPORTIVE. I didn’t like some of the reprimands, but I took it, and I immediately began to adjust. Not because I wanted to or it was easy, but because in order for me to improve I HAVE TO DO THINGS DIFFERENTLY!
I say all this to say, STOP BSING AND CHANGE. It doesn’t take weeks, months, years to change, or grow. It takes split-second decisions to do things differently than you normally would. It takes you acknowledging you messed up and doing what you need to do to fix your part, and make sure to be mindful the next time an opportunity arises (because they will continue to arise). Change is NOT hard to do, it is hard to KEEP. It takes nothing but one decision to get it started! Because I am telling you, it will greatly benefit your life in the long and short run. If I had disrespected him, gotten belligerent, thrown those things in his face, I could have really damaged our friendship. If I had continued to carry that rage I would have made MORE poor decisions and messed my day up further. We have to step up and take responsibility for the things we do guys.