First of the Many Random Thoughts

Everyone always says to be a writer you have to write. But what happens when you’re blocked or afraid. I have a lot of personal truths that are raw. Things that I would love to say but feel like people would judge me or hate me for speaking on. Based on that, I know that the writing would kill but another fear, a powerful one, comes into play. The fear of being good. The fear that people will actually read it and relate to what I’m saying because deep down, many of us have explored our dark thoughts. Many of us struggle with our inner self because society says we have to think a certain way, have to be a certain way. By now, I’m sure my writer instructor’s are tsking away because I’ve been way too ‘abstract’, but I’ve grown to realize my life is abstract. I think in vague terms and then I dig deeper to get to why I had the random thought. Why not write from the beginning?

I want to be different. Says everyone. I am different. Says hardly anyone who actually is. The carbon copy changes so often that people assume that their new version of different really is. The new age nerd, hipster, quiet/mysterious, but none of it is unique. What makes us special isn’t the group we create, what our group does, but how as a group we work because of our individual. Each of us an important atom that connects to another to create something beautiful. We have become so individualistic that we forget it is the group that helps us find the treasures within ourselves. Without the group I wouldn’t have realized I’m willing to lose a friend instead of lie to them, or that I would rather throw up bile from anxiety than to leave a bad situation unworked with someone I care about. It was my reaction to the group that has helped me find different parts of myself that I don’t see often in others.

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