Double Standards: Random Thoughts

On the way to work this morning, I was listening to the radio…I think 95.5 or 92.3. Anyway, the moment I had turned to the station I heard “well it’s okay to give up the cookies on the first date if you grown”. I found my response to be one of irritation. I immediately said ‘why are her cookies and when she uses them even up for discussion’. I am beyond tired of living in an “open-minded” society that refuses to acknowledge sexism and misogyny. I know this sounds stupid, but it only sounds stupid when you don’t think about how typical it is for men and women to question a woman’s sexual ambitions and prowess. It is a well-known stereotype that men love sex and if they ask you out, sex is definitely a part of that (which is not always true, hence the stereotype label). But when it comes to a woman saying, “I want to have sex” there’s this uproar. If she does it on the first night she’s a whore, but if he does it on the first night he’s….a man? How does that make sense, logically I mean, where is the logic, because to a lot of people this does make sense.

Let’s break this down. Men love a woman with sex drive, but she can’t use that sex drive the way he does because then she’s a whore. She can’t have sex with too many men, which is a number that he decides, or she’s a whore. If he deems that she’s too much of a flirt, she’s a whore. If she dresses with, what he deems as too little clothing, she’s a whore. (When I say he, please also add she because women degrade other women with these same scenarios). If she says she wants to have sex on the first night, whore. If she says she wants to have sex before he does, whore. If she’s good at it and is confident and admits her confidence, whore. But if HE __________ fill in the blanks with the previous scenarios then I’m pretty sure after the comma ‘he’s a whore’ would not be the way you end that sentence. WHY?

Do I myself have my own limits concerning sex and what I think is too much, I sure do, but I do not put those limits on other women (at least not anymore). +++ Sidenote: my personal definition of whore is unlike what I see in the masses. I see whorism as a man or woman who is messy (has a lot of drama, mostly of the sexually transmitted, cheating, leading on and causing heartbreak variety) with their sexual encounters. Am I saying this definition is okay? I by no means have the answer to that, like I said, I’m still growing, I may find error in that definition too +++ I’ve learned that it’s not fair to be one sided. The limits I do have are the same whether the person is male or female so even in my inability to understand or accept all ranges of sexual freedom; I refuse to only hold women to a specific standard. I didn’t have a huge revelation when I made a conscious decision to stop being majorly sexist (I say majorly because I am still a work in progress). It was, Thank you Professor Illig, sociology of gender, having sexually free and sexually vanilla friends, having conversations with different people of different backgrounds, and it was reflection that showed me how crazy these double standards are.

We all know that there are people who have copious amounts of sex from low self-esteem, or some sort of trauma. But there are also people who have copious amounts of sex because it feels good and they like it. We can’t just put all women or most women, or even SOME women into one or the other category (or any additional categories for that matter). Before you speak on what a woman or man is, concerning their sexual freedom (if you really feel you need to speak on something that isn’t your business anyway) please try and actually get to know the person first before the ignorance starts to spew from your mouth and add more catastrophic pollution to the planet. Thanks.

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